Fiche N01 — Le Douchebag du Beach Club

Specimen observed: Male, early thirties. Posture: leaning against a poolside cabana, one hand gripping a bottle of imported lager, the other gesturing vaguely at the horizon. Vocalizations: a monotone recitation of his weekend itinerary, punctuated by the word 'bro'. Habitat: the VIP section of any beach club in the Laurentians, where the ambient bass frequency appears to be his natural calling card. Behavior: He will approach any group of females with the opening line, 'You guys seen the sunset?' — a question to which he already knows the answer, as he has been tracking its progress since 4 PM. Notable traits: a tan line from his sunglasses that suggests a recent purchase; a bracelet woven from what appears to be a recycled life jacket. Conclusion: A harmless but loud species, best observed from a distance of at least two meters. Recommended action: Nod politely, then order another drink at the bar.