{"product_id":"fiche-n-01-le-douchebag-du-beach-club-1","title":"Fiche N°01 – Le Douchebag du Beach Club","description":"Specimen observed in its natural habitat: a beach club in the Laurentians, mid-July, temperature 32°C, humidity oppressive. Subject is male, early 30s, displaying the classic 'alpha tan' — a deep bronze on limbs and face, with a stark white band across the torso where the tank top was lifted. He stands with one hand on a bottle of rosé, the other adjusting his sunglasses (polarized, of course), scanning the crowd with the detached confidence of a predator who already knows the catch is weak. The specimen's vocalizations are limited to 'Tu veux un shot?' and 'Check le beat,' delivered in a monotone that suggests he's been practicing this script since high school. Notable behaviors: excessive chest-puffing, synchronized head-nod to house music, and a tendency to photobomb any group that includes women. The anthropologist notes: this is not malice — it is a mating display, as ancient as the peacock's tail, but with fewer feathers and more Axe body spray.","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"2\" × 2\" \/ White","offer_id":48046754791654,"sku":"40786589111618565610","price":3.99,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48046754824422,"sku":"31362684293490181331","price":3.99,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48046754857190,"sku":"29771925506196982554","price":3.99,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6\" × 6\" \/ White","offer_id":48046754889958,"sku":"16604473672809914886","price":3.99,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0766\/0122\/9542\/files\/6094417910564746191_1200.jpg?v=1785095781","url":"https:\/\/thatsfunnyiwanttowearit.com\/products\/fiche-n-01-le-douchebag-du-beach-club-1","provider":"ThatsFunnyIWantToWearIt","version":"1.0","type":"link"}