Fiche N°01 — Le Douchebag du Beach Club

Observation: A male specimen, mid-20s to early 30s, often found near the pool bar or the VIP roped-off area. Distinctive plumage: a neon tank top, oversized sunglasses, and a medallion that catches the light like a distress signal. Behaviour: He moves in a slow, deliberate strut, as if the entire boardwalk is his personal catwalk. Vocalizations consist of loud, self-referential proclamations—'T’as vu le serveur? Il m’a reconnu, man'—directed at a captive audience of less assertive peers. Social hierarchy: Alpha of the sand, but only within a 50-metre radius of the club entrance. Beyond that, he's just another guy in a too-tight shirt. Diet: Espresso martinis and validation. Habitat: The Beach Club. Status: Common, but always worth documenting. Crafted on a 100% cotton tee, because even a douchebag deserves a soft landing.